Growing up, I was surrounded by women who were constantly commenting on my body. One day I was “too fat,” and the next, I was “too thin.” These remarks weren’t just passing comments—they shaped how I saw myself and, more importantly, how I felt about my body. As a result, I became extremely self-conscious, feeling guilty even about eating food when around them. This experience, like many others for countless women, serves as a harsh reminder of how deeply our communities influence our perception of our bodies. What I didn’t know at the time was that these seemingly harmless remarks could actually trigger trauma and potentially alter one’s personality.
How Body Comments Can Cause Trauma
When people constantly comment on your body, even if they don’t intend harm, it can be deeply damaging. These comments can become internalized, creating a cycle of self-doubt, guilt, and even shame. Over time, you may start associating your worth with your appearance, which can lead to unhealthy eating habits, low self-esteem, and even eating disorders.
This trauma doesn’t just sit on the surface—it seeps into how we navigate relationships, how we express ourselves, and how we view the world. For some, it alters personality traits, leading to withdrawal, anxiety, or perfectionism. Others may adopt coping mechanisms like disordered eating as a way to regain control. The constant need to “perform” a certain body image in order to meet external expectations takes a toll not only on mental health but also on one’s sense of self.
The Complexities Behind Body Changes: What People Don’t Know
The insensitive nature of body comments becomes even more apparent when considering the complexities behind physical changes. For instance, many women experience fluctuations in weight due to hormonal shifts, pregnancy, illness, or medications, such as antipsychotics. Antipsychotics are known to cause weight gain or loss as a side effect. Without understanding these factors, making comments on someone’s body can further isolate individuals, making them feel judged for changes they might have little control over.
This lack of knowledge highlights how often we reduce a person’s entire being to their appearance without acknowledging the myriad factors—physical, emotional, and mental—that influence body size and shape.
Strategies to Build Better Body Confidence
So, how do we begin to rebuild body confidence in a world where comments about appearance seem constant? Here are a few strategies:
- Set Boundaries: You can’t control what others say, but you can control how you respond. Setting clear boundaries is essential. Kindly but firmly let people know that comments on your body are not welcome.
- Unlearn Harmful Behaviors: Just as we learn unhealthy behaviors around body image, we can unlearn them. This might mean challenging those internal voices that have been influenced by past comments and reframing how we view ourselves.
- Relearn Positive Habits: We can relearn behaviors that nurture a healthier relationship with our bodies. This can include practicing gratitude for what your body can do rather than how it looks and engaging in self-care practices that honor your body as it is.
- Mindful Eating and Self-Compassion: Focus on eating as a nourishing act, not something to feel guilty about. Replace guilt with compassion—your body deserves love and care, not constant judgment.
- Surround yourself with positive influence: Surround yourself with people who celebrate you for who you are, not what you look like. Choose relationships that uplift your confidence and emotional well-being.
Creating supportive communities
We all have a role to play in shifting the culture around body image. Here are a few ways we can encourage better relationships and healthier environments:
- Be mindful of your words: Avoid commenting on people’s bodies altogether. Instead, engage in conversations that focus on a person’s strengths, abilities, and personal growth.
- Educate yourself: Understand that factors like mental health, hormonal changes, and medications can contribute to changes in a person’s body. Being informed helps you offer empathy instead of judgment.
- Lead by Example: Model healthy behaviors and language around body image for others. When you practice self-love and acceptance, it influences those around you to do the same.
Conclusion: Body Confidence, Boundaries, and Better Relationships
At the end of the day, we can’t always control the messages society sends about what our bodies should look like. However, we can control how we respond to these messages by setting boundaries, challenging harmful narratives, and learning to appreciate our bodies for all that they do, not just how they appear.
By building better body confidence and fostering supportive relationships, we can create spaces where individuals—especially women—feel empowered to be themselves, free from the pressure of meeting unrealistic and often harmful societal standards.
If you’re on your own journey of healing from body image struggles or helping others navigate theirs, remember: the same way we learn harmful behaviors, we can unlearn them and relearn new, healthier patterns that lead to a fuller, more self-compassionate life.
