Money is one of those topics that touches every aspect of our lives, yet for many of us, it’s also one of the most uncomfortable subjects to talk about. The way we relate to money as adults is deeply rooted in our childhood experiences. Whether we were aware of it or not, the environment we grew up in — especially how our families handled money — shaped our attitudes, beliefs, and even emotional responses to financial matters.

As a psychologist, I’ve observed how childhood experiences profoundly influence our relationship with money. And this is not just about learning the practical side of money management but also how money is emotionally charged for many of us. In this blog, we will see how our early experiences with money can either set us up for healthy financial habits or create deep-seated beliefs that can hinder us as adults.

“All money is a matter of belief”

Adam Smith

The Impact of the Household You Grew Up In

Growing up in many Kenyan households, money is often a no-go zone topic — scarce, elusive, and surrounded by tension. For me, like for many others, money was a touchy subject. It was not openly discussed, and any mention of it seemed to trigger stress and anxiety. I quickly learned to minimize my needs, tiptoe around money conversations, and internalize the message that money was scarce and a cause of worry.

Growing up in a financially volatile household – especially if your family barely scraped by – can leave a deep imprint and influence how you handle money in adulthood, no matter how financially successful you become.

“Every day is an emergency when you’re poor. You’re always like one bad bill away from losing everything,” Mars Nevada, an ad agency art director, told Delyanne Barros, host of CNN’s Diversifying podcast. “Having that kind of existential threat [and] being aware of that as a kid kind of like messes you up in a way that I don’t know if I’m quite past yet as an adult.”

“Children can internalize the stress and anxiety when they see their parents struggle financially,” said Ed Coambs, a licensed therapist, financial adviser, and author of “The Healthy Love & Money Way: How The Four Attachment Styles Impact Your Financial Well-Being.”

“So how you handle money in adulthood may be an emotional response to those stressors”, Coambs said. One response might be to become very restrictive in how you spend money and be critical of your partner’s spending. Or the opposite may result, he noted. “You may be overly carefree with money, figuring you might as well live for today because tomorrow it could be gone.”

“What if we were taught from a very early age that wealth, progress, and prosperity are what eliminate poverty and human suffering and that making money is not some form of a spiritual defect but the highest form of contribution?”

John Butcher

This type of household dynamic teaches children unspoken lessons about money. You might learn that:

• Money is always in short supply, so you have to cling to every cent.
• Asking for money or having needs makes you a burden.
• Spending money on yourself is selfish or irresponsible.

These beliefs get ingrained over time and follow us into adulthood, shaping how we manage our finances, how we save or spend, and even how we feel about earning money.

“Children can internalize the stress and anxiety when they see their parents struggle financially.”

Ed Coambs, a licensed therapist, financial adviser and author of “The Healthy Love & Money Way: How The Four Attachment Styles Impact Your Financial Well-Being.”

Unlearning the Taboo Around Money

When I started earning my own money, I found myself struggling to break away from the deeply ingrained ideas I grew up with. I did not want to live in a constant state of scarcity, where money felt like something to be hoarded or feared. I didn’t want to minimize my needs or feel guilty about spending on things I enjoyed.

For many of us, breaking these patterns involves a conscious process of unlearning. It’s about recognizing the limiting beliefs that we’ve internalized and actively challenging them. Here’s what that looked like for me:

• Acknowledging that money is not a dirty word: I had to accept that talking about money or wanting to earn more was not shameful. Money is a tool, and it’s okay to discuss it openly and confidently.
• Learning to enjoy money without guilt: It took time to learn that it’s okay to use money responsibly and still enjoy it. Whether it’s taking a vacation, buying something I like, or investing in a passion, I had to shift my mindset from scarcity to abundance — where money is not just for survival, but for enjoyment too.
• Developing healthier money habits: I knew that I wanted to model a healthier relationship with money for my children. So I began relearning better money habits — budgeting, saving, and spending wisely, all while teaching my kids that money is a resource to be respected but not feared.

How to Reframe Your Money Mindset

If you grew up in an environment where money was a sensitive or negative topic, it’s not easy to shift those deeply rooted patterns. But the first step is to be aware of your money story and recognize how it’s impacting your life today. Ask yourself:

• How was money discussed (or avoided) in my household growing up?
• What emotions come up when I think about money now?
• What beliefs do I have about money that no longer serve me?

Once you’ve identified these patterns, it’s time to reframe your money mindset. Here are a few steps you can take:

1. Talk about money openly: If money was a taboo topic in your household, try to break that cycle. Have open conversations with your partner, friends, or family about financial goals, challenges, and successes. Talking about money reduces the fear and stigma around it.
2. Give yourself permission to enjoy your money: It’s okay to spend on things that bring you joy, as long as you’re doing so responsibly. Build a budget that allows for both saving and enjoyment. You don’t have to feel guilty for treating yourself.
3. Model positive financial behaviors: If you have children, they’re watching how you handle money just as you watched your parents. Teach them the value of money, how to use it wisely, and that it’s okay to talk about finances. Let them see you saving, investing, and also enjoying your money.
4. Seek support if needed: If your relationship with money feels overwhelming, consider speaking with a financial advisor or a therapist who specializes in financial wellness. They can help you unpack old beliefs and build healthier habits.

Conclusion: From Scarcity to Abundance

“Money was made for the free-hearted and generous”

John Ray

It took time, but I’ve learned to move beyond the scarcity mindset I grew up with. I now understand that money is a tool, not something to be feared or avoided. I’ve learned to enjoy what I have and use it wisely without guilt. And most importantly, I’ve broken the cycle for my children, who are growing up with a much healthier understanding of money.

Your relationship with money doesn’t have to be defined by your past. You have the power to reshape your mindset, set new financial goals, and pass on healthier money habits to the next generation. It’s a journey of unlearning, relearning, and growing.

“Few people make it through life without encountering some form of financial trauma, whether it be as an adult or as a child watching your parents go through it. You need only look at the pandemic to find innumerable examples of it in recent times.

These kinds of experiences can result in bad money habits that harm your relationships, your finances, or both.”

Author

Call to Action:

So, what’s your money story? How has your childhood influenced your relationship with money? Let’s start the conversation.

I’d also love to hear more about your money story! Please take a moment to fill out this quick survey and reflect on how your childhood has shaped your financial mindset.”

#MoneyMindset #FinancialWellness #MentalHealth #UnlearningMoneyBeliefs #FinancialLiteracy #PersonalGrowth #FamilyFinances #Parenting

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