In modern relationships, a pressing question emerges: Are you dating for survival? If you’re unsure, it might be time to dig a little deeper—not just into your dating habits but also into your family history. Relationships don’t exist in isolation; they are often mirrors of the cycles and patterns we’ve inherited or learned from those who came before us.
Recently, a viral video titled The New Trophy Wife has taken social media by storm. While it might appear to glamorize the idea of “levelling up” in relationships, it’s also a cautionary tale. Beneath the surface, it reveals the dangers of engaging in relationships solely for material gain or external validation without addressing the deeper emotional wounds or inherited patterns driving those decisions.
Then there’s the “Sprinkle Sprinkle” movement—a trending mantra encouraging hypergamy (dating or marrying up) and strategic relationship moves. While the concept has some merit in advocating for women to know their worth, I firmly believe that such advice isn’t one-size-fits-all and shouldn’t be consumed without critical thought. Why? Because without self-awareness, healing, and discernment, it can perpetuate unhealthy cycles and leave women unfulfilled, even if they appear to “win” in material terms.
“Victim shaming gives abusers room to thrive and get away with it”.
Author
The Impact of Dating for Survival
“As a woman, you do not possess the power to “finesse” a man out of his bag. Trust me, he sees your intentions. Don’t favour the “bag” over character.”
Author
When you date for survival—whether it’s financial stability, social status, or emotional support—you may unknowingly place yourself in relationships that don’t align with your authentic needs and desires. This isn’t just about hypergamy; it’s about survival instincts rooted in fear, scarcity, or unresolved trauma.
Consider your bloodline for a moment. Have you observed recurring patterns?
- Do the women in your family often choose partners out of necessity rather than love?
- Are there cycles of abandonment, control, or codependency?
- How do financial pressures shape relationship decisions across generations?
Recognizing these patterns can offer profound insight into your own choices. For many women, dating for survival might feel like the only option, but understanding the “why” behind these decisions can help break cycles and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
How to Cultivate Discernment in the Midst of “Leveling Up”
“Vet men for character and level up on your discernment.”
Author
While it’s natural to want more in life—whether financially, emotionally, or socially—it’s vital to approach relationships with clarity and intention. Here are a few ways young women can be more discerning:
- Heal Before You Seek:
Before entering a relationship, take time to address any emotional wounds or trauma. Therapy, journaling, and self-reflection can help you identify patterns and break free from survival-based thinking. - Define Your Values:
What do you truly want in a partner and a relationship? Beyond external benefits, consider qualities like kindness, emotional intelligence, and shared values. - Observe, Don’t Just Feel:
Love is powerful, but it can also be blinding. Observe actions over words, and ensure that a potential partner’s behavior aligns with your standards. - Know Your Worth Beyond External Validation:
Your worth is not tied to how much someone spends on you or how they elevate your social status. True value comes from within and should be nurtured through self-love and self-care. - Break the Cycle:
If you notice unhealthy patterns in your family or previous relationships, commit to doing the work to break them. This might mean saying no to relationships that feel familiar but aren’t healthy.
Final Thoughts
“The cautionary tale is when vulnerable, desperate, and impressionable women are not being raised by older women and their parents but by the internet.”
Author
Dating and relationships can be one of life’s greatest joys—but only when entered into from a place of wholeness and authenticity. The trends of hypergamy, “levelling up,” and “sprinkle sprinkle” may have their place, but they should never replace self-awareness and intentionality.
Ask yourself:
- Are you dating for survival or connection?
- Are you building relationships that align with your highest values?
- Have you studied your bloodline to understand the patterns you may unconsciously carry?
Love is a beautiful journey, but it starts with loving yourself enough to break free from cycles that don’t serve you. Choose discernment. Choose authenticity. Choose you.
What are your thoughts on dating for survival versus connection? Let’s continue this conversation.
“As a woman, have a spirit of nuance and discernment and do not skip the process of healing your wounds and doing the very necessary inner work.”
Author
