By: Muthoni Njagi | Magistrate | Counselling Psychologist
When I think back to my childhood, money was never an open conversation. It was discussed in hushed tones, during a crisis, or in the middle of arguments.
For many of us, money wasn’t just scarce—it was sacred, secretive, or shameful. It was used to control, reward, or punish. It evoked anxiety. And no one ever sat us down to explain what it meant to earn, save, budget, or invest.
As a grown woman in my 40s—one who studied both Business Administration and Law, and who has worked in both the legal and insurance sectors—I now recognize the deep money wounds many of us carry. But also, the responsibility to break this cycle, heal, and teach the next generation differently.
🧠 What Are Money Wounds?
Money wounds are psychological imprints caused by early experiences around finances. If you were raised in a home where money meant fear, control, or secrecy, chances are these childhood imprints still influence your decisions.
According to therapist Crystal Trammell, “If money feels heavy, examine your story. You may not need more income—you may need more healing.”
“If money feels heavy, examine your story. You may not need more income—you may need more healing.”
💡 Six Lessons I Wish I Was Taught About Money
💰 1. Never Spend All Your Money
Growing up, no one explained the importance of delayed gratification. Now I know: saving isn’t about fear—it’s about freedom.
“A shilling saved is a seed planted.”
💡 Tip: Automate your savings using standing orders. Let children see you save—not just spend.
💳 2. Never Borrow What You Can’t Repay
Debt isn’t evil, but unplanned debt is dangerous. There’s good debt (e.g., education, real estate, business) and bad debt (e.g., unnecessary lifestyle spending).
“Use debt to build your future, not to decorate your past.”
🧠 Psych Insight: Scarcity in childhood can lead to impulsive purchases in adulthood. Overconsumption becomes a coping mechanism.
💼 3. Never Depend on One Income Stream
Our parents often worked one job until retirement. That world doesn’t exist anymore.
With the gig economy, inflation, and layoffs, multiple income streams are not a luxury—they are a necessity.
“You need more than a job. You need a plan.”
🎓 Financial Expert Take: “Investing is a muscle. Budgeting is a mindset. Build both early.” — Nathan Astle, CFT-I
🧠 4. Understand Money Wounds
Do you:
- Avoid looking at your bank app?
- Feel shame when asking for fair pay?
- Equate your value to your income?
- Overspend to impress?
- Hoard because of fear?
These are all signs of unhealed money wounds. Your relationship with money is emotional before it is practical.
“We don’t just manage money—we manage our beliefs about money.”
📉 5. Don’t Use Money to Show Off
We are not the same. Please don’t use your financial progress to belittle others.
True wealth whispers. It doesn’t need validation.
“You’re not rich if you make others feel poor.”
🌻 6. Don’t Let Money Define You
Your worth isn’t tied to your net worth.
Money can make life easier—but it won’t fill emotional voids. Chasing success without healing your relationship with it will only leave you empty.
“Happiness is not for sale. It is cultivated.”
👩🏽👧👦 How I’m Teaching My Children Differently
In our home:
- We talk about budgeting
- They earn pocket money
- We save as a team
- They witness both wins and mistakes
- They know giving is as important as earning
Because if we don’t teach our children about money, the world will. And it might not be kind.
🧾 The Financial Reality We’re In
Let’s be honest. We’re navigating a very different financial world from our parents:
- Many of us are job-hunting in economies where jobs are scarce
- We’re answering to relatives who don’t understand why we don’t have a “permanent job”
- The value of money keeps changing—school fees rise, food prices rise, expectations rise
And yet… we’re here. Learning, unlearning, and re-parenting ourselves financially.
🔁 Journal Prompts to Reflect
- What was the first money memory I remember?
- What beliefs about money am I still carrying from childhood?
- What financial patterns do I want to change?
- How am I teaching the next generation about money?
- What do I believe about rich people? About poor people?
- What’s one financial decision I regret—and what did it teach me?
📝 Final Words
Money is emotional. Generational. Psychological. Practical. And deeply personal.
If you’ve struggled, know this: You’re not broken. You were just never taught. And it’s never too late to start learning.
Keep showing up. For yourself. For your future. For your children.
What’s one lesson you wish you were taught about money earlier in life?
Let’s start that conversation in the comments.
🔁 Don’t forget to share this with a friend, sibling, colleague or parent who needs to hear it.
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