A question I see a lot in these social media streets: “How do you know if a person values you?” My response? You wouldn’t even be questioning it.
When someone truly values you, their actions, words, and consistency make it evident. But here’s the tricky part—value can be warped depending on personal experiences, upbringing, and self-worth. So, let’s unpack this concept from a psychological perspective to help you define what value means for yourself and what to expect from others.
Understanding Value in Relationships
Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist known for his research on relationships, emphasizes that trust and emotional responsiveness are key indicators of value. If someone values you, they make you feel seen, heard, and respected. They show up for you, not just in words but in actions.
Dr. Carl Rogers, a humanistic psychologist, highlighted the importance of “unconditional positive regard“—where people appreciate and respect you for who you are, not just what you offer. If you constantly feel like you have to prove your worth to someone, that’s a sign they may not truly value you.
Signs That Someone Values You
From a psychological standpoint, here’s how value is expressed:
1️⃣ Respect for Boundaries – Do they acknowledge your needs, personal space, and limits? Dr. Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, explains that people who value you respect the emotional and physical boundaries you set.
2️⃣ Consistency – Do they show up for you, or do they only appear when it’s convenient? A study on relationships by Dr. Sue Johnson found that emotional availability and dependability create lasting bonds.
3️⃣ Effort & Investment – Value isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about ongoing effort. If someone values you, they invest time and energy in maintaining the relationship, whether through small check-ins or meaningful interactions.
4️⃣ Emotional Safety – Can you be yourself without fear of judgment? Dr. Brené Brown, a leading researcher on vulnerability, states that people who value you make you feel emotionally safe, allowing you to express your thoughts without fear of rejection.
5️⃣ Reciprocity – Is the relationship balanced, or are you always the one giving? Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, emphasizes that people express value in different ways, but there should always be a mutual exchange of effort and appreciation.
The Role of Self-Worth in Recognizing Value
Before you question if someone values you, ask yourself: Do I know what value looks like for me?
✅ What are your core values?
✅ What do you expect in relationships—respect, consistency, honesty?
✅ Do you set and enforce boundaries, or do you accept less than you deserve?
Often, we accept the treatment we think we deserve. If you struggle with self-worth, you might overlook red flags and settle for less than real value.
Final Thoughts: You Shouldn’t Have to Question It
At the end of the day, when someone truly values you, you’ll feel it. You won’t be left wondering. You won’t be questioning their intentions or deciphering mixed signals. Their actions will align with their words.
And if you’re constantly asking yourself whether someone values you—it may be time to take a step back and reassess the relationship.
💡 Know your worth. Define your expectations. And never settle for less than mutual respect and appreciation.
What does value mean to you? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments.👇
#KnowYourWorth #EmotionalValue #PsychologyOfRelationships #SelfAwareness #Boundaries #HealthyRelationships
