“My therapist heart gets so happy…”
I often say this because it’s true. Watching people become more emotionally aware, learning to recognize red flags, and setting healthier boundaries is beautiful progress. For many—especially those healing from trauma, heartbreak, or toxic relationships—recognizing red flags becomes a necessary survival skill.
But here’s the caveat:
“Hypervigilance is not healing.”
Focusing too much on red flags can keep you stuck in a state of constant alertness. Everyone starts to look like a potential threat. You find yourself guarded, anxious, and deeply mistrustful. In psychology, we call this hypervigilance—a trauma response where your nervous system is in overdrive, always scanning for danger.
While it’s essential to spot patterns of toxicity, it’s equally important to open your eyes to emotional safety—the people and moments that offer peace, connection, and security.
🌱Green Flags: Signs of Healthy Connection
Here’s the truth: Not everyone is out to hurt you. Some people are deeply kind, emotionally available, and safe. Here are some green flags to watch for:
✅ They celebrate your wins without jealousy.
✅ They remember small things you mentioned in passing.
✅ They respect your boundaries without making it about them.
✅ You feel energized and not depleted after spending time with them.
✅ They listen—even when it’s hard—without getting defensive.
✅ You can be your full, unfiltered self around them.
✅ You feel safe—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.
✅ There’s no eggshell-walking—they welcome your thoughts.
✅ They support your goals and growth, not just when it benefits them.
“Some people are safe spaces in human form.” – Unknown
🧠 Psychological Insight: Healing After Hurt
After betrayal or emotional harm, it’s natural to swing to the extreme—seeing threat in every interaction. But healing requires more than avoidance—it asks us to recalibrate.
According to trauma expert Dr. Janina Fisher, trauma survivors often struggle with “internal alarm systems” that stay turned on even after the danger has passed. The work, then, is to retrain the brain and nervous system to recognize safety.
And that starts by
- Noticing what safety feels like.
- Staying present with safe people.
- Letting go of all-or-nothing thinking.
- Embracing nuance in human relationships.
✨ Be a Green Flag First
Here’s another truth: We attract what we embody.
Before demanding emotional safety, consistency, and kindness from others, ask yourself:
🌼 Do I celebrate others without comparison?
🌼 Do I respect boundaries and communicate mine clearly?
🌼 Do I listen with presence and without defensiveness?
🌼 Do people feel emotionally safe around me?
Becoming a green flag is part of the healing journey. And it’s the only way to build meaningful, reciprocal relationships.
“You can’t expect someone to pour into you from a cup you keep poking holes in.” – @healthhourtherapy
💬 Final Thoughts
Don’t let past wounds close your heart to love, friendship, or connection. Not everyone is a red flag. Some people will hold your story gently. Some will stay. Some will make your nervous system sigh in relief.
It’s okay to trust again—slowly, intentionally.
📘 Further Support for Women
If this resonates with you, I invite you to download my new e-book: Reflections on Femininity: A Psychologist’s Perspective – available now at www.healthhourtherapy.com. Inside, I share personal reflections and therapeutic insights on what it means to be a woman, how femininity shows up in work, love, family, and motherhood—and how to return to your authentic self after burnout, heartbreak, or emotional wounding.
🔑 Key Takeaways
- Emotional awareness must include both red and green flags.
- Hypervigilance is a trauma response, not a long-term strategy.
- You deserve safety, not just survival.
- Be the green flag you’re seeking.
- Healing is a journey from fear to trust.
#EmotionalAwareness #GreenFlags #HealthyRelationships #PsychologistPerspective #HealingJourney #MentalHealthKenya #TraumaInformed #TherapyTalk #SelfGrowth #WomenHealing #HealthHourTherapy
